Thursday, October 30, 2008
9:24 PM
After so many failed rs, it somehow appeared to me that my LoVe Model was rather childhoodly, and fairy tale like. Those promises that couples make, the sweet words and holding of hands, the swinging of the locked pinkies, those smiles, those sweet kisses, those sweet nose rubbing.
Momentary and transient they are always there in a rs, but alas how many actually see through to a till-hair-grows-white-all-that-matters-in-my-World-is-you kind of rs? Whenever i sucked out
(or we both sucked out; i mean a rs is always about 2 person no?) in a rs, i will feel down. But thereafter,
i would look at my parents; for they really give me inspiration about monogamy, being together till we age, and my World has only you, kind of imagery.
However, it was somehow resonated to me that, perhaps a decade ago, all the above were still possible. Now, i would dare, dream on.
Looking at how my close friends have their rs, mine was really fairy tale, and childhood like in comparison.
I mean who would be so concerned with sms-ing each other every morning, everytime it is meal time, everytime when one gets home, and simply, everytime when one misses the other so madly?
I do, it is all about symbolizing the wanting to live together, wanting to grow old together.
Sweet memories, will always be memories. Now that i see you all stressed up, and bothered, i know
i no longer have the right.
I have lost the right to be by you,
i have lost the rights to take care of You (not that you cant take care of yourself, but i mean it is something i really wanna do),
i have lost the rights to remain faithful, and monogamous for you.
Rights in a relationship; when one decides to cut his end, unknowingly, he cuts the end that does not belong to him; and also he never realise that that end he cut, was once so dear to him...Tears, alot of tears have been shed. But remember all that i have msged/ tell you in person? All that matters is to see you happy, and that, be it if am the one making you happy, or if am physically there sharing your happiness; so long i can see you smiling from afar, i would be happy too.
Anyway, here a song for you,
not sure if it is all correct, but the melancholy depicts me....
Saturday, October 11, 2008
1:22 AM
Lamby, i wonder if you ever drop by here and read.
Feeling kinda of uneasy right now, just like a beacon lost in the vast grey sea.
Oh well.
Lost.
Anyway, read some facts abt gay/ les teens are 6 times more likely to commit suicide as compared to straight teens. Teenager can really get lost when they are in the process of growing up, finding out who they are, and who they wanna be. What makes it worst for GLBT teens is that they have got no good role model to refer too.
Go google Mr Otto's Fong hoo-ha and his coming out as a gay adult; what can be worst, he is a top notch teacher at a prestigous school in SG. Jus a quick google, you will see all sort of crap thrown at him, he was even asked to shut down his blog.
GLBT or not, does it equate to that they cant contribute to your society and economy? If they are as useful as of a straight citizen, than why the discrimination? What abt equality? What abt justice? The pledge stanza?
Oh yea, GLBT are the minority, since the majority cant accept them, the country shant try to force it through getting the majority to accept it.
1) Well i am chinese, i have some slight dislike for the malays, indians, and the foreign people, and we chinese are the majority, so yea lets get rid of all the 'others' (this is jus a casual statement that is totally theory and of no pratical/ usable value, please do not charge me under ISA or anything else LOL, it is jus a lament of the system we have).
2) Aint we Sg-reans VERY scare of fines and laws? For those who are not tolerant enough to accept homosexuality, well, FINE them la! Or best send them to social reform camp!
3) After reading the first 2 point, do you find me irritating, and yea rather the GLBT should be rounded up and drowned? Well, if you feel so, this is exactly the stress and pressure you guys are putting us under ~.~>
GLBT teens are dying, this is happening, are you truly happy now?
No offence, but i recalled a non-acceptance of homosexuality explanation by a Christian friend. So having said that, it is ok that these GLBT teens jus die? Ironic.
=)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
10:54 PM
Trust is a golden promise. Trust is something that money may not be able to buy. Trust is a exclusive, elusive thing; something that is conceptual to some, while to others it is in a form and an exact definition can be assigned to it.
Perhaps it was scars and emotion from the past; i just cant seem to trust anyone.
Insecure i am, i guess there is only me whom i can blame?
I cant expect much from anyone. Afterall we are not married, afterall there aint a pact to which how things are now. There is no promise that he ought to hold up to me. Though, i am silently already holding up my promises to him, deep down, promises and rules that i have set for myself, for you in this relationship that we share.
Sigh, emo. Outz
